Things that get you onthe wrong end of an AK spell
by alyssialui
Summary: As the title says. Some are mean. Some are funny. Its how you look at it. Please no flames
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys. This is another short list consisting of different ways to avoid various characters of Harry Potter wizardom. Suggestions are welcome, as well as criticism and comments. No flames  
**

* * *

1. (Snape) Give him shampoo for his birthday.  
2. Telling Voldemort that he needs Jesus.  
3. throwing a bucket of clothes over winky  
4. Saying "Hey Voldy whats crackin'?" to Voldemort in diagon alley  
5. slapping Bella on the ass  
6. Give Hermione a crystal ball and tell her to use her inner eye  
7. giving voldie a manicure in his sleep. (pink!)  
8. (Fred) Coming up with only "holey" with all the ear-related jokes out there.  
9. Take all of Trelaney's firewhiskey from her and tell her she has to leave Hogwarts.  
10. Ask Ginny if the carpet matches the drapes.  
11. Tell Ginny that Bill and Fleur got a divorce and that Ginny will have to share a room with her for the next 5 years.  
12. put gillyweed in harry's spaghetti.  
13. make fun of Harry's dead parents.  
14. Tell Ron he'll always be second best to Harry  
15. telling everyone mcgonagall is actually a MAN  
16. Mocking Neville about his loopy parents  
17. Drop baby Teddy.  
18. Give Hermione A B-cup bra for her birthday with the note: "Can you fill it?"  
19. Tell Hermione she's failed all her classes and then tell her you were only joking.  
20. lift up McGonagal's robes in front of the entire Great Hall 


	2. Chapter 2

21. In class, tell Snape you just got your first period and ask if he has something on hand you can use.  
22. Show Harry the neat thing you got your mom for Mother's Day and ask to see what he got his mom.  
23. Tell the Malfoys how their skins might benefit from a holiday to the tropics.  
24. tell Ron you're dating Hermione  
25. take away draco's hair gel  
26. Replace the Malfoys conditioner with black hair-dye.  
27. Give Harry a framed portrait of the Dursleys for his Birthday  
28. Catch Lupin in a bad mood and ask him if its the wrong time of the month  
29. Hey, Harry, your new defense against the dark arts teacher is a werewolf.  
Harry: What?  
AKV: Professor Lupin, he's a werewolf.  
Harry: Are you fucking serious?  
AKV: No, but Lupin is.  
30. Harry: Show him a picture of you and your parents, and ask to see one of him and his  
31. Ron: Tell him, "dude, Harry kicks your ass"  
32. Hermione: "God, you're stupid"  
33. Percy: Tell him that you think the prefect system is a waste of time and it would be better to just live without rules  
34. Molly: Attempt to kill Ginny. And that's a fact.  
35. Luna: Tell her that Crumple-Horned Snorkacks aren't real!  
36. Tell Snape that you saw a picture of Lily and say that she is ugly as hell.  
37. Kiss Hermione in front of Ron.  
38. Pinch Voldemort's cheeks when he goes on one of his villan rants and go "awww isn't he precious".  
39. McGonagall (M): Hey, Snape, I hear your keepers, pretty good this year, and uh, I wanna trade him for mine.  
Snape (S): What?  
M: I want to trade keepers  
S: Let me get this straight...you want to trade oliver wood for my keeper?  
M: Yes  
S: You're giving me wood?  
M: AHA! Gotach.  
S: You little...AVADA KADAVRA!  
40. Call Ginny/Lily/Mrs.Weasley/any redhead character a firecrotch  



	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This is the end. I actually reposted this chap so for those who already read it, I only added like 3 that I forgot.**

** Special thanks to my reviewers: _Queen Bella the Random, fanficfan1037, Looney94, Audra Markwell, Jinxeh _and_ Alicea, _and my other readers.**

**Read my other stories if you havent yet.  
**

* * *

41. put a spider in ron's pants. (while he's kissing hermione)  
42. Let out all the blond jokes on the Malfoy family.  
43. saying to Harry 'chill out mate, its no big deal!'  
44. saying to Hermione 'damn! the library and all the books in it have burnt down'  
45. saying to Ron 'stop saying 'bloody hell'  
46. saying to Ginny 'Harrys just using you for sex'  
47. saying to Voldemort 'Im totally in love with you'  
48. saying to Dumbledore 'youre a crap wizard and you know nothing'  
49. saying to Molly Weasley 'I just killed your son!'  
50. Killing Harry before Voldy does  
51. Follow voldemort around and repeat everything he says, with a squeaky voice and elongating every 's'  
52. Cut all of Dumbledore's facial hair while he's asleep, when he asks insist Fawkes needs a new nest.  
53. Constantly drop glaring hints in front of Ginny that Harry might be gay.  
54. Shake your head and say 'tsk tsk, those pesky kids..' audibly but under your breath to voldemort every time his plan gets foiled  
55. Every time you say 'Lily' in front of snape, follow it with a fake cough -potter!-  
56. Give Lupin a packet of Pedigree(c) for Christmas  
57. Telling Voldyshorts he got ousted by that dorky kid in glasses again  
59. Call him Voldyshorts  
60. Drop hints that Snape elaborately caused Lily's death. Often.

61. Say "Oh look, Lily's eyes!" every time you're with Snape  
62. Tell Snape his Shampoo just ain't cutting it  
63. Suggest that Snape try Suave, at least


End file.
